It's like God shit irony all over that family
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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