Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
