the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
