Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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