dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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