I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
