yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
