Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
