i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I touched a dick in church today
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
