I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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