Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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