Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
