shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
