better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is Oprah even human
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
