I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
