i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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