SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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