I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
