So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
