Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
