U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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