tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
