i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
