Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
