You just made me feel so damn special
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
