You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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