Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
