Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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