I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I will pee on everything he values.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
