The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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