I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
