too bad you live with your parents still
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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