I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
