where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
