Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
