i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
