You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
