finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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