if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
