omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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