I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
