I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
