Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
