I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
