Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
