There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
