Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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