Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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