its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I pour the whiskey from now on
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
