Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
