p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
