I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
