Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize